Wow – just had my emotional clock turned back 2 years and 5 years. How easily the mind and heart can be pushed around by some words.
I love you.
I hate you.
I’m not attracted to you.
You hurt me.
You are not a good father or husband.
F@*# you, always a classic.
You don’t protect me.
Sigh. I thought we had grown past some of this. Not sure right now. It was pretty overwhelming.
I was venerable, admitting mistakes I learned and then wham.
I am sad you hurt. I care for you. I do love you. Maybe not good enough or the right way – who knows. I am sad that many things and many people hurt you. I don’t go looking for ways – but it still happens.
So here I am stuck with baggage and junk I thought we left behind.
What do I do with it and where do I go.
I can’t fill the canyon.
Lord help me – I have a lot of run away thoughts right now and are out of control and not obedient to You.
But one thought I do have – and I hold on to is that You love me – faults and all and You are not afraid and You are peace.
So I’m going to hang with You. Hold me Jesus, I’m shaking like a leaf. You are my King of Glory — won’t You be my Prince of Peace.
carlehenderson
