Daddy,
Am I doing something wrong?
My family is a wreck. Tonya is so hurt, frustrated, and angry. Caleb is so hurt, frustrated, and angry. Bethany is struggling. They seem very troubled and annoyed by anything that has to do with You, including me.
You gave me these children and my wife. You want me to love them and lead them and support them, through your power. Am I to be a channel of Your grace and life? Am I not being that somehow?
It seems the misconceptions they have about You are projected onto me. I know You’ve heard this before, but they are a stiff necked stubborn people. Am I doing something wrong?
Everything in my mind tells me I am. Even looking at the fruit in their lives and the family seems to indicate I am not leading. What does a shepherd do when it seems the sheep do not want to go where I feel they should?
I’m really tired Daddy. You are faithful and I constantly find life joy and peace in my relationship to You. But it also is drained and dried up very quickly as I am surrounded with the narcissism, anger, and strife.
Days like today, and this week attempt to drown and overwhelm me, but You, You are so faithful. So constant, so peaceful, so near me. Why can’t they see it, want in on it?
Why are they so angry and content to try and find answers in natural things. They are never satisfied with them.
I know You are for me, I know You are near me and will never leave me forsaken, even when they turn and run and cuss and fuss and misunderstand me. I know that even as I am writing this. You are my strength and shield.
So I am hurt and discouraged, but You heal me and strengthen and encourage me.
If in any way I am not representing You to them, please fix that in me. May I have eyes to see and ears to hear what You are doing so I can participate with You and stop my dead works.
If I am where You want me, then may I only find strength in You. To stand firm and stand.
I love you Daddy. You are my all in all and there is no other like you.
carlehenderson
